Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
