My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
