Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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