And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
