I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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