I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
