SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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