DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
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I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
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I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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