U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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