he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
