Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
