I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
