i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
