Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sorry about my life...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
