Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
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Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
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Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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