conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize