if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize