If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
