I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
