real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
