I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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