Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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