How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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