Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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