when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
