if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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