3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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