how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
