So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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