just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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