Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
