What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
