i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
