I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
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