please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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