I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
