if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
