"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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