gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
