He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
