I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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