hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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