You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he puts the penis in happiness.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
