This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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