his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
