Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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