so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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