i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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