god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my being single is dangerous.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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