I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
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You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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