she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
