You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
