What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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