i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
