At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
