you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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