I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
