That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
