Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
