I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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