My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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