he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
