Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So much rum. So many feels.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
