Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
