When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
