he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
