She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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