I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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