She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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